Growing Pains

Spiritual growth is a provocative and compelling phenomenon. Most often, it is conceived in chaos and difficulty, gestates in anxiety and strife, and is birthed in pain. The last are those singular moments of revelation, discovery and transformation, and occasionally of epiphany. Usually, this process is ponderous, happening at a rate that is well below the threshold of human perception. It is analogous to the growth of a tree: after a year or perhaps several, it is apparent that a given tree has grown. We know this because we are able to remember a time when the tree was much smaller than it is now, and engage in reflective comparison. If, however, one tries to observe this growth as it occurs, it will soon become thoroughly evident that human senses are not geared for the task. These processes, common to most aspects of nature, take place according to God's time, which is altogether different in its span, scope and perhaps direction(s) than our own.

Occasionally, circumstances, that The Bard termed "outrageous fortune," arise that precipitate this process on a massively compressed timeframe. In these instances, God's time folds into ours, making years seem as days or minutes, and days become as seconds. It is during these occasions that the spiritual sapling can actually be seen growing into a sturdy tree; the growth is perceptible. The last five months have been a period of outrageous fortune in my life, and therefore of colossal spiritual growth - growth that I can actually feel happening. This feeling was at first frightening, then dizzying, then stupefying and bewildering. It has lately come to be a terrible, miraculous and amazing feeling – a rush if you will, only so much better. Words fail me as I try to describe this, and I am certain that I have failed utterly to convey the intensity of the experience. As I write this, I am in awe.

A little more than a year ago, I listened to a CD with a friend of mine, who is on a similar path. It was a recording of a talk given by someone sharing his experience, strength and hope with an audience in Iceland. I was spellbound by the lama-like serenity this man had apparently achieved. I was talking with my friend Tony about it in the larger context of spirituality not long after, as I learned that he knew the gentleman on the CD. He described this man as a “spiritual warrior.” When I inquired as to what that meant, he told me that these are people who not only embrace change, but even seek out change in order to continue to grow. Being someone who has always been averse to change, I could not imagine going out and, well, looking for trouble as I saw it. I have recently come to understand how this could be, and the feeling of peace that I have now is one that I want to continue to live.

It would be nice if the process were a bit easier, but that also does not seem to be the way the universe works. I have some truly great teachers in my life now and a lot of people who love me and support me. My job now is to remain teachable, to remain worthy of that love, and to improve my conscious contact with the universe so that I may help others get what I have. Much thanks, peace and love to all!