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Well, it looks like I most likely have some more ground to travel before I get my new used computer talking to the rest of the world (at least from home). I am probably going to have to spring for either an Ethernet card or a wireless router (this would be way cooler but more expensive), some discount DSL or broadband service, and a new battery for the machine, as the current one is only holding a charge for about 5 minutes. The computer is still not recognizing the floppy drive, but Nathan thinks that will be “fixable” since the firmware for that is already in the Linux kernel. The hard drive is only 6GB, so an external USB hard drive would be nice, but I am trying to keep my total investment into this machine to $100 dollars or less (I'm already into it for $50 for the memory upgrade), so this does not seem to be an option and I will just have to use my gmail account for my document and image storage. It seems that this project will last well into 2007.

In other news, I stopped by my lawyer’s office on the way home yesterday to finish filling out some paperwork. This has become a kind of routine - if a tad bit surreal – part of my life these days. Her office is in the Lower East Side of Manhattan, in a neighborhood that while trendy now, still has not completely shaken off its crack-flavored character of the 90’s. It is a small office on a side street, with boxes, files and supplies stacked to the ceiling in every available space, and there is always a small group of nefarious looking individuals huddled outside the bodega a few storefronts down. I sit there with the obese office calico on my lap (this cat loves me for some reason and won’t leave me alone) and ask questions, while the five or so associates literally step over each other in the process of conducting business. I always leave with my head spinning, trying to wrap my brain around what I’ve just learned, marveling at the completely obtuse system of conflict resolution that is the American legal system. It is truly crazy, and the fact that it actually works, more often than not, fascinates me. It reminds me sometimes of the financial accounting course that I took in graduate school, and of learning that there were really no “rules” – just a broad framework within which various, and occasionally contradictory, structures could exist. My head spins as I try, not so much to understand this system, but as I try to divine what this whole thing means for my life, my future and Zach and Miranda. I usually get nowhere fast.

I am a true Gemini – by this I mean that I am truly two people (though it often feels like there are a bunch more of us in here) in the same mind/body. On one hand, I am very much a scientist and mathematician, by training and by nature, and see the world in terms of probabilities, functions, equations, hypotheses and experiments. In short, this part of me seeks to solve the problem that is the universe, and though I have made considerable progress along these lines, I invariable run into the paradoxes that arise when logic is applied without sufficient data. On the other hand, I am very much a dreamer and sensualist, floating from idea to idea, from place to place, and from one moment to the next unfettered by worldly concerns and with complete disdain for anything resembling real work. What these two need is some serious couples counseling – this is the gray, the fuzzy logic that I have been seeking, to replace the bivalence with which I used to, and am still inclined to, see the world.

Today I am suffering from almost complete exhaustion, thus the logical, scientific me is basically out to lunch and my inner dreamer/sensualist is really running the show. He is not to be trusted, so I have structured my workday to enable some prayer and meditation, in order to achieve some semblance of an even keel. What I really need is a good meal, some wild sex and a good 12-hour sleep. Two out of three ain’t bad, so there is hope.