Just Another Technology Harangue

So I was sitting in front of the boob-tube the other night (that's the "telly" to some of you) - you know - just kind of flipping around through the 1000 or so levels of Hell that Time Warner provides for me, and I couldn't help but notice what I'll call an unfortunate theme: technology as the solution to all problems. Before I proceed, I should explain a little something about my viewing and content selection habits. I tend to watch a lot of science fiction and fantasy because I am interested in "the human condition" and I find that these shows, movies or programs often provide the best commentary on what it is to be human. Perhaps this is because, once the "normal" milieu has been stripped away, and the characters are in another time, space, dimension and/or reality, the only familiar point of reference that remains is the human. Oh yeah - I also watch because there are almost always incredibly hot alien babes in spandex - a nice bonus.

Back to the point: I was watching Stargate Atlantis (this is the one without MacGyver, though he sometimes makes a cameo) and the plot was the usual fare: a bunch of roving meanies from another galaxy show up like a bounced check, bent on domination or destruction or the like, and the heroic humans have to manipulate the available technology in such a way as to solve the problem, usually driving the bad guys into a collapsing black hole or other convenient astrophysical phenomenon - always just in the nick of time. The metaphor that is used for technology is what caused the audible "click" in my brain - the "click" that resulted in the formation of a hypothesis, which resulted in some research (channel-surfing), which in turn resulted in this post. The metaphor was that of the ubiquitous Dell laptop computer (I know they're Dells by the shape of the logo, even though they removed the lettering for the show).

As I watched, our heroes plugged their laptops into a 10,000 year old piece of alien hardware, activated it, and saved the day - hmmn? It was a good thing that these aliens were using standard USB ports 10,000 years ago, a good thing that the powercells still held a charge (unlike my relatively new cell phone), a good thing that these aliens were using a mathematical system based on 10's, 120 volt electrical systems, and Microsoft compatible operating systems. A good thing that these aliens spoke English. The list goes on. I mean Jeeeez! Most people can't even get their hardware to work if they go to Europe, much less the Pegasus Galaxy. But the most perplexing thing was that the heroes did not have to really "do" anything. They didn't have to run, jump or climb anything. They didn't have to brave harsh environmental conditions. They didn't have to question their beliefs or sacrifice the lives any of their comrades. Heck, they didn't even miss breakfast or dirty their spiffy matching uniforms.

So I flipped the channel, still considering what I had seen, and found myself watching CSI Boise (I wasn't really paying attention to what city it was, and didn't really much care - they all kind of look the same to me). In this drama, the laptops were plugged into microscopes, spectrometers, coffee makers, etc. And again, the heroes didn't really have to do anything, save hitting a few keys on their laptops to cross-index a DNA sample with a pollen grain from a dendroseris neriifolia with the tread print from a pair of 1970's era Adidas sneakers (originally sold in Red China). No doughnuts, no stakeouts, no exhausting rounds of interviewing witnesses. Just an impossibly clean laboratory full of exotic (but largely useless) glassware, lasers (there have to be lasers - right?) and of course plenty of laptop computers. I flipped on.

I found an "end of the world" movie in which a gigantic earthquake spelled doom for us all and, of course, a team of impossibly attractive scientists sat in front of their laptops in a mission-control type room, advising the President on exactly where the atomic bombs would have to be detonated to save the world.

Two asides here: 1) are atom bombs now a good thing and should we be grateful that we have them? and 2) how come (Barack Obama and Hillary notwithstanding) there is always a black guy or a woman president in the White House, when a giant meteor is about to hit New York?

I wondered who writes the software that these laptops are running - Adobe Earthquake 3.0? Sun Mirosystems Nuke-O-Matic 2.7? Oracle Plate Tectonics Wizzard (still in Beta)? It's pretty absurd when you really think about it. I mean, I'm all for suspending disbelief and all, but it is everywhere in our culture! When we look at schools for Zach, the tour-givers always brag about the fact that there is a computer in each classroom, or that they have a computer lab - as if that means that he will get a "real" education there, or that these machines will somehow cure his autism. Window dressing - nothing more.

I wont bore you with the rest of my surfing (research) but be assured I encountered plenty more of the same. It would have seemed that my initial hypothesis had been confirmed... until I got around to Battlestar Galactica - let me elaborate. The refreshing thing about this show is that nothing works! The Galactica is a totally out of date, barely space-worthy ship that was being turned into a museum when the Cylons (the bad guys) attacked. The paint is peeling, it is filthy and rusted (inside and out), the lights don't work so well, they actually use big f@cking old-school phones (with cords) to talk to other parts of the ship, the bathrooms are small, cramped and kind of disgusting, the food sucks, and people die ignoble deaths - everything is broken! It is all very human. Yeah there are some computers, but most of the time a human has to go and physically do what ever needs to be done. The plot is about humans - humans facing their fears, dealing with their flaws and defects, overcoming their prejudices, helping each other through hard times and clinging to hope and their faith under impossible conditions. Humans: no laptops required.