Go And Figure

So you might have noticed (see: Post) that I got a little creative in the kids' room this past week... but that's not what I've been thinking about, instead I've been kinda laughing at myself - let me explain: I've had the paints, brushes, roller, masking tape, etc. for months now, just waiting for some down-time to give the job the presence it deserves - I wanted to enjoy it for the labor of love that it was. What I lacked, the only thing I lacked, was a drop cloth. Usually, in the past, when I have done these sorts of things I've used the opportunity to replace my furry, moldy shower curtain liners, as they make great drop cloths and only cost a buck or two. In this case, my liners were in almost new, dare I say "mint" condition (I bathe instead of showering) so I decided to use my bed sheets instead.

Before you gasp, please realize that I bought the sheets in question at Kaufmann's with Elaine Tatelman (bet that takes you back a bit, huh?) in 1988 when I was preparing to move to Dayton, and have used them wherever I went (and with whoever I was with), ever since. The math ain't hard folks - that's twenty years worth of mileage! Lately the fitted sheet of the set had worn through and developed a four foot rip in it, about where my feet end up while I sleep. Of course I tried duct taping the tear (who wouldn't?), but you can guess how well that worked out.

Now here's where the stupiditity (made that word up myself!) comes in: in order to use my ripped and thoroughly ratty sheets for the paint job, I had to go out an buy new ones (I only own one set) - something that I desperately needed to do anyway, paint or no paint. The thing was, IT WAS SOOOOO HARD!!! I usually won't think twice about dropping fifteen bucks for a pizza, but spending fifteen whole American Greenbacks on a set of sheets off the bargain rack at Century 21 was sheer torture. It was like parting with the last money I'll ever have - ever!

To real kicker was that the sheets I got were so amazingly cheap (with like a thread count of 10) and fit the mangy, old, stinky, second-hand futon that I sleep on so poorly, that I actually find myself missing the duct-taped old sheets that are now in some landfill or other. They never teach you how to deal with this stuff in school, or perhaps that was on one of those many days I missed - maybe the same day that they taught how to throw out your boxers when all that is left is the rubber waist band with some threads hanging off of it? The point is, some things are fun to buy and I don't mind spending hard-earned loot to buy them. But things like friggin' sheets should grow on shrubs or something!

Maybe they will fit better after I wash them a couple of times and nuke the crap out of them in the industrial-strength dryer downstairs - the one that eats my socks - who knows. All I can think about is how much I would have enjoyed a nice pizza after all that painting - at least the kids loved the paint job - that's worth all the trauma.